I love watching the Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest Criminal episodes that come on from time to time. I’ve watched a guy hold up a convenience store with a rifle and then put it down on the counter so that the counter person could take it away and chase him out of the store. That was one of the best.
I watched a guy walk into a bank with leaves to cover his face. He ripped it off, clean and easy. But, they put a die charger in the bag of money and it exploded just as he got out of the bank. The cops found a guy who matched the slightly camouflaged description. But, the dead give away was the ink that was still on the man when the cops caught up to him.
I watched a guy on the dashboard police camera hand his wallet over to the police officer. That’s all fine and dandy. But, it had his heroine in it. That’s about the time you hear the guy turn from a tough guy into a crying little girl.
I’ve watched plenty of drunk people cracking their heads on hard pavement, plaster walls, glass windows and steal bars. I’ve watched them jump off of bridges, cross busy highways and drive cars with flat tires to get away from cops. I watched three people conspire to insurance fraud.and tape it. These shows have all kinds and they can bust a gut at times.
What I find most interesting though is who is willing to comment on these shows. Everyone’s been in trouble. Most of them, I find funny and have no reason to speak bad of now. But, I absolutely love the commentators who speak without remembering their own past.
Tonya Harding is a regular on the show and she makes some real stupid statements from time to time. She was talking about one stupid criminal who forgot to check with his probation officer and video taped himself doing drugs as well as some other things. Part of Tonya’s sentence was probation and there are just some topics you should stay away from when you are judging others. She mentioned the probation and I say, “Tonya, stay away from that one. You’re no better than he is.”
Danny Bonaduce is another one I think lets some interesting things just fly out of his mouth. But, his are in an entirely different way. Danny don’t pull any punches when it comes to admitting that he hasn’t led that most perfect life on earth. But, he plays the bad card way too many times. We’re watching a police officer give a man a ticket who is just ranting and raving. The officer is maintaining his demeanor. It is quite impressive. Bonaduce says that if he was an officer, all of his police reports would end with, “.and that’s when I shot him.”
Lighten up! It’s just a guy going off about a ticket that he probably can’t afford. Sure, he shouldn’t have been speeding if he can’t afford it. You can raise those arguments all day long. But, many of us have been there. Most of us can relate.
And the thought of Danny Bonaduce being a cop is a joke itself!
In the urban dictionary, which is hilarious by the way, A Nightmare of Epic Proportions is defined as the boyfriend failing to reserve the suite at the best hotel in town when the husband decides to let his wife go out with the girls.
That’s what’s so typical about these extreme statements. People use them for situations that are in no way close. Not all things are "great." Not everything your friend is saying is "exactly" what you were thinking. And not every situation is of "epic proportions."
It reminds me of the time OJ Simpson was in the back of the Ford Bronco and being followed by an army full of cops. The initial media bites had OJ in a high speed chase. Then, they were scrutinized for being so off the mark and changed their tune to describe it as a low speed chase.
Epic Proportions would be proportions that are far beyond normal. They are more in the “great” realm and that’s a very distinct place. Not every situation measures up to that. So, stop using it to describe situations in every day life! How about keeping things in their proper proportions?
Today was a day that almost gave me a heart attack. We’ve literally kicked the pants off of most teams we’ve played this year in an attempt to go undefeated. But, Washington comes along and actually gives the Saints a good run for their money.
What happened? I don’t know. I didn’t get to watch the game. I live in Tampa, Florida and I had to watch either Tampa or Miami. So, I called my friend in Maryland who loves Washington and I asked him to keep me updated.
Well, he had fun calling me and telling me about the Washington touchdowns and field goals. But, the one thing he said that really cracked me up, “Don’t worry Mike. Washington always finds a way to lose.”
Well, it was close. Down to the last minute behind 23-30, until finally I saw the highlight on the Tampa game my friends and I were watching. 30-30. Overtime. Saints win the toss. Saints get the ball and they capitalize. 33-30. 12-0.
Marching toward an undefeated season is not at all unreasonable to think at this point. We see Atlanta next week. Then, we see Dallas, Tampa and finish off the season with Carolina. Either one of these games could jump up to bite us on the bum. But, it is feasible that we could win them all too.
Trivia: The other team that is undefeated at this point is Indianapolis, whose star quarterback is Peyton Manning. No, that’s not the trivia part. But, this is. Peyton’s father, Archie was quarterback for the Saints.
I’ve got a good bit of things to say today. So, I thought I would just get to it. I know it’s not my style. But, I have brought you a vintage video that captures my spirit while you read my words.
The first thing I have to comment on is all the stink about Miley Cyrus. Pole dancing is her latest flop. At the Teen Choice awards, she came out in high cut shorts and high riding boots. A trailer behind her and a pole in front of her. Years ago she made scandal because she appeared “nude” in Vanity Fair. I say, leave the girl alone.
See, the media is irresponsible and there is no way to hold it accountable. It’s a chaotic mass of contradictory messages that blow haphazardly with the wind. They tear Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan down as if they live by higher standards. They waited patiently for the bow to break on Christina Aguilera, but it never did. Now, it’s like they want to see Miley crumble. Leave the girl alone. She’s about the purest thing Hollywood has to offer these days.
But, that’s the media for you. Remember when they talked about the O.J. Simpson car chase as if it was high speed? That is until someone called them out on it and then they started accurately portraying it as a low speed chase. Remember, the whole nation was watching? We knew what we saw. They tried to peddle their own B.S. But, we knew what we saw LIVE.
More recently, everyone was getting on the Octomom’s back about everything from her lip job to wanting money for pictures of her kids. Then, someone called them out on it and said everyone was being too hard on her. That was the first time I learned her real name is Nadya Suleman.
The fact of the matter is that there are so many media flip flops and it’s funny when you get to watch Jon Stewart point these things out on The Daily Show. While the media itself flip flops daily, they are eager to point out the flip flops of let’s say such people as George Bush, Rush Limbaugh, and John McCain.
So, there is no accountability at all. And yes, I do believe that the media is comprised of individuals who all have the right to say as they wish. I also strongly feel that the media tends to share views across the board and along with their constant mangling of the simplest stories, they obnoxiously over-exaggerate every morsel of information that comes their way. Look at the recent “Boy in the Balloon” incident. But, the story about a high school girl getting raped by several guys while onlookers do nothing gets a day at best in the news.
Moving to my next remark, I am sad that this Veteran’s Day is marred by The Fort Hood shootings. I don’t know what it will all mean when the dust settles. Is it proof that there is aggressive activity against the United States? Is it going to cause us to make changes and sort through our complex web of conflicting resolutions? We can’t strip our military of the right to worship. But, we can’t tolerate direct opposition to our military from within our military either. Wow! I’d hate to be the one to have to sort that out.
All I have to say at this point is, it is not the military’s fault that such a man made it so high in rank. Our military is given strict orders to refrain from violating anyone’s personal rights. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is just one example of the type of orders our military has been given. In this particular case, we have Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan practicing his religion. Our military is given an order to allow him to worship as he wishes.
Confusion! Absolutely! But, we don’t think of these things while we stand on the outside. Now, we are wondering why our military didn’t speak up when they should have. Probably, because they didn’t know how. How do you go about reporting a high ranking individual for 1) Speaking his mind and 2) Being Muslim?
Answer: You don’t!
We tie our military’s hands behind their backs and then wonder why they didn’t do something when they had the chance.
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Having said that, I move on to Monk. I am really going to hate to see the show go now that it’s in its last season. I want Monk to figure out who killed his wife. I’m glad he has been able to come out of his shell a little bit. I don’t think he belongs with a gun in his hand. As smart as he is, you would think he would understand that himself. While people are dying all around him, he would be polishing the bullets and putting them in his gun making sure each one was in alignment and that there was an even number.
But, the main question I have has been burning in my mind throughout the entire history of the show. Why do things always seem to happen to Monk? Isn’t it good enough that he is an awesome detective? Couldn’t the show just simply be about Stottlemeyer calling Monk to investigate a crime that has him puzzled?
The show would work just fine that way. In fact for viewers like me, it might be more powerful. But, no. They can’t do it that way. They have to add to Monk’s involvement in each case. It makes it really too unrealistic. A guy comes across a murder once, maybe twice in his life. But, Monk seems to always be involved somehow.
Take the last episode for example. To impress the board deciding whether or not to hire him back as a police officer, Monk decides to help Randy take some boys camping. While on the trip, they happen to run into the killers who are looking for evidence they might have left in those very same mountains. Ok, otherwise Monk would not have been able to solve the case while he was off in the woods despising everything possible that there is to love about nature.
Not convinced yet? Mr. Monk Goes to Group Therapy is about Monk’s insurance company placing a limit on how many therapy sessions he can take, which causes him to attend group therapy. The killer is killing off everyone in that group because he confessed to something while he was in the group himself. How is that for coincidence?
Mr. Monk and the UFO is about Monk and Natalie getting stranded in a small town where, while they are there, a murder takes place! Are you getting this?
Mr. Monk and the Critic is about the critic himself being the killer. Monk and Natalie attend the show because Natalie’s daughter is in it. When she gets bad reviews, it casts suspicions on the critic. Seriously?
Mr. Monk is Someone Else is about a mobster getting hit by a bus. What could that possibly have to do with Monk…other than he looks exactly like the man and now he must act the part to get to the bottom of the crime. Have you had enough?
There is just too much coincidence!
I believe that I am now purged of all the things that have been weighing on my mind lately. These thoughts are not ordered from most important to least or visa versa. They are strategically ordered to sandwich the heaviest of sentiments within the lightest ones. Signing off. Have a good day!
I wanted to share a nice little Halloween story with you. My daughter plays a roll. I begged and begged. Finally she gave in to be the star of her own Halloween story.
I narrate. And let’s just say that it is a…uh…electrifying story! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha…Have a Happy Halloween!
And be safe…Don’t let Danger strike! He lurks everywhere….
If you want to read some of it before you check it out, here it is:
It had started out as a beautiful day. Gene and his four year old daughter had walked the beach earlier that day in the cool breeze of the morning sun. Then, they enjoyed breakfast at the Capeview Café before going shopping for her Halloween outfit and candy to hand out to all the kids who would be trick or treating to their house in only a few short days.
It was sad that Gene had lost his wife a few years earlier and was raising his daughter by himself. But, he managed to do a great job. They woke up most mornings and made themselves pancakes. She would stir the batter and he would do the flipping. He homeschooled her since he made his living making furniture and chose to work his own hours while she was fast asleep, so he was all she knew.
He had plans of letting her get to know some other kids in a few years, but for now he was content with keeping her all to himself. After they returned home from their Halloween shopping, she went to her room to play with her new Halloween costume and he went into the kitchen to make lunch for the both of them. She came down the steps with her costume on when it was time to eat lunch and Gene caught a glimpse of how much his daughter had turned out to look just like her late mother. What an angel she made. It was as if her mother was still alive…
How one simple man with the unfortunate case of mistaken identity shook an entire town...and the Good Ol' Boy network waging war against him!
It's a laugh riot as Michael Allen explores the notions of power, privilege and intoxication. After a brush with the law, Dawg's life takes a sudden turn as he becomes a hostage of the "system."
Fighting against the madness every step of the way, Dawg's behind the scenes discoveries are hilarious, sobering and often shocking exposures of a transparent Gaggle blatantly making their own rules and disregarding them themselves.
They soon find Dawg isn't who they thought he was and all their tactics, normally quite effective are actually what help him find his way out of their clutches so that he could live to fight another day.
Published author of A Danger to Society, Michael Allen is an up and coming writer with novels and screenplays to his credit. He has been writing for years and is just now showing the world what he can do.
A Danger to Society is an entertaining story about the notions of power, privilege and intoxication. A case of mistaken identity pits a man against the good 'ol boy network of Smallton, America.
Michael Allen is also the author of two soon to be released movies Wooji and Between the Bullets.
But of all the things he's done, being a father is what he's proud of most. His daughter is his world and I think she knows it.
I love watching the Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest Criminal episodes that come on from time to time. I’ve watched a guy hold up a convenience store with a rifle and then put it down on the counter so that the counter person could take it away and chase him out of the store. That was one of the best.
Today was a day that almost gave me a heart attack. We’ve literally kicked the pants off of most teams we’ve played this year in an attempt to go undefeated. But, Washington comes along and actually gives the Saints a good run for their money.
